Dealing With Disappointment

No one likes when things go wrong, or don’t work out the way we want them to. Unfortunately, disappointment is pretty much inevitable in our lives, despite us trying to prevent it as much as possible. When it does hit, it can be really difficult to get back on our feet, or try to understand why this thing has happened. For me, if I’ve been working really hard for something and it doesn’t work out, it’s almost like a pit opens up in my stomach and the world ends. That’s pretty much how I felt last week when my first choice university E-Mailed me telling me I hadn’t gotten in. Gutted doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt, it was a feeling way beyond that. I cried and I cried and I just wanted to sleep and not think about it. Even so, I got back up, and here I am, writing a blog post that I hope will help someone else in a similar situation. It’s awful, it’s horrible, but we live and we learn, and things can get better. The day after my rejection, someone asked about my plans for the future, and it took all my strength to say the name of a different university to the one I had been planning for. But I did it, and from that moment I realised I needed to feel what I was feeling, but I also needed to accept what had happened and move on. After all, even if it felt like it, the world didn’t end.

“I promise you, it’ll all make sense again” – dodie

Making Sense
Usually when something disappoints us, we want to know why it happened. I for sure wanted to know why I had been rejected, especially when I had worked so hard on getting in to this particular university. Was there more I could have done? Was it something I had written? Was there a specific reason? Was the course full? I probably won’t ever know. This is usually the most difficult bit because there isn’t always a reason for us getting knocked down, or one that we can find out anyway. You can blame the universe, god, yourself, but these things don’t help. Sometimes things in life just don’t make sense, and that is okay. It’s hard – almost impossible – to accept at times, but it’s true. If we focus too much on what went wrong or what could have been, then usually it will stress us out even more than we already were, and that isn’t healthy or helpful for anyone. Stress is something we generally want to avoid, obviously. Maybe one day, in the future, we will understand, and it will, as dodie says, all make sense again. Maybe it won’t. Either way you have to find a way to pick yourself up and keep moving along with life. As you invest more time and effort into your Plan B, it can become beautiful and just as great as your original plan. Maybe it still won’t make sense, but at least then you have a way to get past your upset and a new thing to get excited about..

Plan B
I heard somewhere that having a Plan B means you aren’t completely focused on your Plan A. While this might be true in some smaller cases, such as diets (“If this doesn’t work for my body I can try this”), I couldn’t disagree more. In big cases such as university, buying a house, etc., it is vital to have a Plan B, or it’s likely that if the worst happens (which we all hope and pray that it doesn’t,) you aren’t stuck going nowhere. As well as this, your Plan B can’t be absolutely horrible compared to your Plan A. I am so lucky that my Plan B is still in my favourite city, and is actually closer to a lot of important things than my Plan A was. Even though it was not my first choice, I can see that it will start working out, and though I’m disappointed, the fact that I still like my Plan B, is a major plus. Having a Plan B can also be really helpful to look to while you’re trying to deal with being disappointed. Having something to focus on, put time and effort into, can distract you from thinking about your original plan, and give you a project. While I had a Plan B, I didn’t have it figured out in nearly as much detail as Plan A, so that’s what I have been working on and focusing on these past few days. It has been really beneficial to work on how things are going to work out now that I know where I am going for university and how my life in five months time might look. Plan B can be hard, knowing it’s not what you truly wanted, but if you can make it better in any way, if you can find a new way to look at it, then you might just find yourself feeling better.

Having Support
This past week I have realised how amazing my friends and family are. They have all been so supportive, and that is so important. I realise not everyone has that kind of network, but even talking to people online (seriously the blogging community is so full of amazing people), and petting dogs can be good for support. Anything to get you a bit more relaxed about everything. Having people who don’t just tell you everything will be okay, but let you ramble, and try to understand, are really important. Those are the kinds of people you should cling to and cherish. Without people who listen, life and emotions and difficult times can be made a million times worse. Looking from the other side, if you are trying to support someone who has been disappointed; listen to them. Be there for them. Bring them ice cream – it nearly always helps.

It’s Okay To Be Upset
As much as everyone tells us to move on when something disappoints us, it is perfectly alright to be upset. These things can be heartbreaking, and keeping emotions in is always much worse in the long run. Getting upset about things is a natural part of life, and, I find, the quicker you get upset about things, and get the feelings out, the quicker you can get over them and move on to creating the best Plan B, and the best life, that you can. As well as that, upset is usually paired with, or followed by, self care. After you’ve had your breakdown, you’ve been angry, you’ve cried, whatever you need to do, it’s important to relax and look after yourself. This might mean doing something as simple as going for a walk, having a bath. But for other people, self care is cleaning up houses, or replying to E-Mails, or getting some work done, as the disappointment has been so overwhelming they haven’t had time or energy to deal with it. I am not trying to link disappointment with depression here, but sometimes we can be overwhelmed, and that is okay. You are always allowed to feel whatever you need to feel, but remember to look after yourself. Listen to some music, read a book, take a nap. Do what you need to do to make your mind calm and peaceful so that when you reach that state of mind, you can easily get back on track with your life and your new plans.

Write
While I realise this isn’t everyone’s thing, I really urge you to try it. Write down what has happened, what you hoped had happened, and what has to happen now. This could be in a text to your friend, it can be in a journal, it can be on a blog, as long as all of it is written in one space. Writing is so therapeutic, and sometimes physically writing and getting it down on paper (or screen) can feel like the thing is actually being taken away from you and put elsewhere. It also really helps with trying to figure out emotions and what kind of things you are feeling. Writing doesn’t have to be shared, it can just be for you. The best bit about writing down disappointments is that in a few months time, when things are working out, you can look back and understand that it really was for the best. Alternatively, if you’re really upset, you can burn the page (be careful!!) but that’s not quite as nice in the long run.

While I must say I was beyond upset when I got the news, knowing these things really helped me. I have fully moved on, and am excited about my fresh start in September, even if it isn’t where I really wanted it to be. Until next time lovelies xo

My Morning Routine, and Why You Should Have One Too

So it’s been a few weeks, but hey, when illness strikes, what can you do? Even just beginning typing this I am so glad I’m back at it, I am really enjoying blogging and the social media community that surrounds it. Everyone is so kind, and lovely. But enough about that. To get back into it after being off for a while, I thought I’d give you an insight to my mornings, after all, my blossom tree started to flower today, so it seems like a good time to talk about beginnings.

Having a routine really helps my productivity levels for the rest of the day. If I don’t engage with my routine, the whole day seems off and is usually relatively unproductive. Having a routine to stick to sets the tone for the day, and also helps sleepy me to get going.

First things first, I am a morning person, but I would like to clarify first what that means. So many people see “morning person” and assume it means that I can wake up early every day full of energy and with no problems. That is the furthest thing from the truth. When I say I am a morning person, I mean that I am most productive in the morning, it’s when I get things done. I tend to crash in the evenings, and simply can’t focus on anything, especially work. I also think that mornings are the most beautiful time of day, especially before 7am. The world is quiet, asleep or just waking, and I really love the peace. It doesn’t mean I’m not moody in the mornings – I definitely am. But with that out the way, let’s get started.

I don’t always get up when my alarm goes off each morning, but when I do, the first thing I do is wash my face. This genuinely is the best way to wake yourself up. I can’t say that I have found anything more effective than splashing your face with freezing cold water minutes after you have woken up. I am currently using Dr Organic’s Activated Charcoal Face Wash and it is working absolute wonders. After that, I moisturise (Nivea Soft), and proceed to get back into bed to read.

Usually I first read a few chapters of the Bible. I’m really trying to get through the whole thing this year (which is a lot more difficult than I expected it to be), and then I’ll go on to read whatever book I’m currently reading. If I don’t feel like reading, I might watch a short video, or write, but I try to make sure I’m not being lazy or wasting the time I have before the rest of the world awakens.

As mentioned in my last post, I am trying to get into yoga, and I am trying to work it into my morning routine, after I’ve read. I’m going to be honest, it is definitely a work in progress and I don’t always manage it, but I am trying, I am really trying. And that’s what’s important. Yoga, to me, has been so refreshing, and I really like the way that I feel after doing it. Obviously I am just a beginner, but it isn’t too strenuous, and it makes me feel calm. As well as all of that, it makes me feel good knowing that I have done some form of exercise each day, even if it is only for a short period of time.

By the time I’ve done all of that, usually the rest of the house is starting to wake up and the peace is no more, so I go down for breakfast. My breakfast is never anything interesting, just oats, milk, chia seeds and fruit. It’s the same thing pretty much every day and I’m okay with that. Sometimes I add some peanut butter or something to change it up a bit, but it is usually just the same simple thing every day. After breakfast, I get dressed, brush my teeth and go out to wherever I need to be that day, whether it be classes or work.

Honestly having a routine in the morning is one of the best things for me. It means that I always start my day off right, and it means I am never stressed in the morning. I love that I can start my day before the rest of the world, I love that I can have stuff done before I truly start my day. The most important part is getting up. It doesn’t matter how early or late it is, if you start your day with a routine, I promise that you will feel better going into your day.

Until next time lovelies xo

March Goals

I cannot believe that it is March already. It’s spring, it’s the time of new beginnings, and seeing daffodils in every shop and all around is really making me happy. I love spring so much, and March has kicked off so well already. It has barely even begun and I have already achieved so much – I got tickets to Dear Evan Hansen in London, I got a job, I finally got my driver’s licence; it’s been a good few days. But even so, there are things I want to accomplish this month, things to improve myself, and just things I want to try, so here goes!

Read Every Day
Even if it’s just a page, reading is so good for me. It’s calming, it helps with English skills, it’s all round just great. I have a reading challenge set for the year and I’m really not doing that well, but I know I’ll catch up over summer. Even still, I would like to get a move on with it, failing is not something I enjoy, even if it is my own self-set target. So this month I plan to finish the book I’m currently reading and at least one other. I’m planning to read The Edible Woman, so maybe that will come next. When I was younger, reading was such a major part of my life, I don’t know when it became such a chore. I want to go back to the person I was then: reading all the time, I couldn’t get enough. Maybe reading a little every day will help me get back on track.

Start Yoga
I want to try and do thirty days straight of yoga. I am a complete beginner so this may go horribly wrong, but hey, it’s fun, it’s exercise, and it’s something new to try. So many people I’ve spoken to have nothing but good things to say about practicing yoga, and I really need to get some balance and strength, as well as forming new, positive, habits. I am really looking forward to this one, and seeing how the thirty days makes a difference (I’ll keep you all updated on my Instagram!) As well as exercise, I want to get more in tune with my body. I listen to a podcast by Kalyn Nicholson (check her out, she’s great), who is always talking about listening to her body. I’ve never understood it, and I would really like to figure it out. I would like to be at peace with my body, and something tells me this might help me take the first few steps.

Reduce My Waste
So as we all know, because every time you open social media – especially Twitter – it’s screaming at you, the world is going up in flames. Anywhere you look there’s people screaming to stop using plastic, or to go vegan, or do literally anything to help. A few weeks ago I got a shampoo bar from LUSH and I love it so much. It works so well with my hair, and I don’t even need to use conditioner that often anymore. It is so great, and I would recommend to everyone, if you’re considering it.
I was clearing out my bedroom the other day, and halfway through, it dawned on me how many things I had just thrown away for no reasons. Things that should have been recycled, or reused, or donated. Even just sheets of paper; it would have taken two minutes for me to go and put them in recycling, but I binned them. It made me think I should be more aware of my waste, and try to reduce it as much as possible, so that’s the plan for this month.

I hope y’all are as in love with spring as I am, it honestly makes me so happy. I feel like spring is a whole new “New Year,” because it’s full of new beginnings. It is beautiful. Another obvious goal is to keep up with the blogging, but so far so good. Until next time lovelies xo

Realising Toxicity

I didn’t intend for this to be my next post, but when something hits you, sometimes you just have to write it. I am writing this somewhat broken hearted, but I know that if this helps just one person, then it’s all okay.

I met up with a friend recently; one I only see every few months since she moved away. Before she moved I saw her almost every single day. She was so cool, so much more interesting than me, so fun. I was completely in awe of her, she was my best friend. Her moving absolutely broke my heart, and I was so upset. She had a new job, in a new city, and she seemed happy. She had been so anxious, I was glad that she had made new friends and was having a good time. A few weeks later, she came home, bringing with her about four of her new friends. She asked me to go out with them, and I declined. I thought it would be weird for us all to go out, I didn’t know these people, it made me a bit uncomfortable. She got upset, and then angry with me, claiming I clearly was never a friend, since I don’t even want to see her. She said some more hurtful things, and in that moment I realised, this girl was completely and utterly toxic.

From that moment, my image of her shattered. I realised that I had never really walked alongside her, but behind her, begging for her to wait on me and her always running ahead. It was a completely heart breaking moment, but an important one all the same. As time went on, I figured I was simply being overdramatic. After all, we had spent all our time together before she moved, there was no way she could be as awful as I was currently making her out to be. So I met with her again a few days ago, and immediately realised that I was always three steps behind her.

When I got home I realised I’d had enough. While she had been a major part of my life, she isn’t anymore and also doesn’t have to be. My road to happiness is exactly that, MINE. I don’t need toxic people coming on that journey with me, and neither do you.

This whole situation got me wondering, why do we allow toxicity in our lives? Is it really possible that we don’t notice it until it’s too late? Does it really stem from “we accept the love we think we deserve”? I don’t think either of the latter are true. I may not have the highest opinion if myself at all times but I am perfectly aware that I deserve to be loved and that my opinions are valid. I dare you this week, to take a look at your life and make sure everyone who surrounds you has a positive impact and deserves to be there. Our lives are short, and we have to make the most of them. Sometimes that means realising and cutting out toxicity, and that is okay. We are allowed to grow and change, and if that means you have to leave some people behind, then go for it. I am all about growth, and at the start of my year I told myself I would let nothing hold me back. Something that has helped me through is this quote. The first time I read it I thought it was ridiculous, but as I read it more, I realised how true and beautiful it is: “You can treat every five minutes as a new start if you don’t like where you’re heading.”

It’s like a sunset, the end doesn’t have to be messy, and there will always be a new, beautiful beginning coming soon after.

It’s okay to want certain people out of your life, and a lot of people don’t realise that. You deserve the best, always remember that lovelies xo

Introducing: Me

Here I am, finally writing a blog. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while, a creative outlet which also gives me a voice. I felt the only appropriate beginning is to introduce myself. So here are four things about me:

I am a student
Currently waiting for universities to get back to me (apparently too many people want to study politics, probably because the world is going up in flames) and writing essays upon essays, student life is as crazy and exciting as anyone would expect it to be. I’m run off my feet with work half the time,

I am a perfectionist
We all know this is a whole other blog post, but I am a complete perfectionist in almost everything I do. I can’t stand being late, I hate when my work is not my best and a clean space is basically heaven for me. It’s for that precise reason I know blogging is not going to be a walk in the park for me. My blog won’t always look beautiful, especially at the start, and I just have to learn that that is okay.

I am also a procrastinator
A lot of the time these things go hand in hand, procrastinating perfectionists are as common as anything. It means that my room is always a mess and it drives me insane. I don’t know when I let myself start slowing down with my workload, but my current mission is to get back on top of it, especially if I’m going to be at uni soon (praying). Honestly I think I put things off because it means they can’t turn out badly. Who cares, I’m working on it.

I love exercise
But I lack motivation. Completely. There is absolutely nothing better than the rush I get after a run, but actually going on that run? Takes a miracle. Workout classes are even better, though that issue is more a lack of money than a lack of motivation. Point is, running makes me feel alive, yet my body convinces me it’s okay to feel like death half the time.

Here’s to new beginnings, here’s to a new blog. Until next time lovelies xo